he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
