He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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