so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
