So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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