Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
