Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
did i walk over a car last night?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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