I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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