Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
