the condom got lost in my hair
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I need moral support for this bender
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
