winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
