3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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