you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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