I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
