She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
