fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
