I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
