So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
