Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm both gender and math confused
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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