I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
