the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
