sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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