Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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