I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
