God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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