I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
