i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
