make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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