Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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