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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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