you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
