Do you still have your period?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
