Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
