some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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