hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
