wat bout pragnant strippers??
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
