I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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