Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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