So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
