Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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