Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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