can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
