Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
