You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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