I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He did a backflip because drugs
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