Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
