Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
