So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There's always time for handjobs
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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