Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
