I heard we made out
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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