Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
