So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
