So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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