There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
