don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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