I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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