the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
