lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
